A Learning Experience
by Kidd Icarus
Summary: Diamond has a problem. Sure, maybe the girl of his dreams asked him to go to a nightclub with her, but still. He's never been clubbing before. Can his friends help him out, or will they only help dig his grave? Minor CommonerShipping
1. Meet the Teachers!

** The following Fanfiction was inspired by Wong Fu Productions' recent series called 'Up In Da Club'. Check it out, it's hilarious.**

**A/N; Oi, it's me. Yup. I'm on a summer quest to write as much as I can. Expect nearly daily updates. I want to get caught up during summer before I head out to college and you guys get practically NO updates.**

**Lots of implied pairings here, but only one that really is important to the plot is CommonerShipping. Even the CommonerShipping here is super minor O.o**

**Anyway, enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, I would have been very buisness-savvy at a young age. But instead, I was playing with Legos.**

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><p>In case you didn't already know, Diamond did not enjoy running.<p>

He was not athletic like his good friends Red or Green, whom could run from Twinleaf Town to Eterna City without a problem.

Of course, there WERE times when he did run.

Like when flocks of Starly would fly down and attack his head for breadcrumbs.

Or when Poochyena would chase him for the sausages in his pocket.

However, in this case the thing at risk was not his pants nor his hairdo.

But his dignity.

He raced through Viridian Forest, intense cramps developing in his stomach._ 'Prolly wasn't a good idea to eat first.._ Dia thought regretfully.

When he reached Pallet Town and his face was drenched in his perspiration, he caught sight of his destination.

You see, every year on the EXACT same day, Professor Oak hosted a reunion among the Pokedex holders. It was a day to remember the day he had given a Pokedex to Red, thus creating a leauge of talented youngsters.

Now,however, they weren't so young. The youngest of the holders was twenty, for crying out loud. It was the Fourteenth Reunion they've ever hosted.

The party was long done, but afterwards the 'Dex holders would hang around Kanto while they waited for their ferry or airplane to arrive.

Anyway, Diamond found what he was looking for. Professor Oak's Lab. The main hang-out of the male Pokedex Holders.

_How lucky am I!_ he thought excitedly as he ran towards the open door. It always took Diamond FOREVER to open the door. At this point, he had no time to fumble with locks.

He was so close to the lab, he could reach out and touch it! He prepared to charge into the room. To feel air conditioning wash over him. To be able to sit down. To be able to solve all of his-

_BAM!_

He was on the ground. Ohhh.. Now he remembered.. Sliding Glass Door. Not a regular one..

Said door was opened by a certain crabby Professor-In-Training, who snapped "For Mew's Sake, Dia! Can you watch where you're going?"

Dia stumbled to his feet, shamefully muttered an apology and entered the lab with his gaze dropped.

The five in the room were vaguely aware of Diamond's presence, but they were focused on more important matters than a great clumsy fool such as himself.

Good Ol' Green was in the farthest corner, working on a fat stack of paperwork. He had aged underwhelmingly. Although in his late twenties, there was almost no difference between 'Now' Green and 'Sixteen-Year-Old' Green. Well, except for the facial hair.

Red was quiet at a table that Diamond imagined could be used for dining, but it was covered in various Pokeballs and paperwork. When Red caught Diamond looking at him, he cast a weak smile in his direction. He had been awfully tired lately, what with all of his becoming 'independent' and 'getting a place for his own' which Dia never understood. If he was allowed, he would certainly still live with his Mother.

Then of course there was Gold. Gold had become seemingly lazier in his adulthood. At that period of time, he was sitting on the couch playing one of his video games, like a ten-year-old. Many described Gold as 'handsome', which was another concept that Dia failed to grasp. In his opinion, handsome meant clean-cut and charming, not rugged and impolite.

For some strange reason, Black was still in Kanto. White had gone back to Unova at least three days ago, and ever since Black and White had started to go out, they had practically been attatched at the hip for MONTHS. Dia shrugged off the thought.

Last but not least was Ruby. In Diamond's opinion, Ruby was the nicest out of all of them. Ruby rarely teased Dia like everybody else did, and often complimented him on his cooking abilities. However, Ruby was a very sarcastic person. Dia didn't think Ruby was being sarcastic. At least, he hoped not.

"What's up, Gluton?" Gold asks, barely looking up from his glowing screen.

"Wha-?" Dia begins, entirely forgetting why he was there. _Must've hit my head pretty hard on the glass door..._ he thought, embarassed.

"Dude, you were running like, fast." laughs Gold. "What were 'ya doing? Chasing a doughnut or something?"

It hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Oh! I remember!" cries Diamond, almost triumphant. His expression quickly morphed from victorious and proud to terrified and panicked so fast it caused a faint giggle from Red.

"I need help!" he yelped.

"Listen," began Black, ",we can't be helping you out ALL the time. Honestly, I'm sure Pearl can help you or something."

"But, you don't understand!" Dia said defensively, throwing his arms around frantically.

"Hey!" calls out Green. "Calm down before you-"

Diamond's hand knocked against a nearby beaker, which promptly hit the floor. A hot pink fluid leaked out, bubbling about on the tile flooring below.

"-break something..." mutters Green, rubbing his temples as Dia rushed to clean up his mess.

After some instruction from Ruby and a few paper towel sheets, the bizarre liquid was off the floor.

"You were saying?" Red says, only to regret it immediately.

"Platina wants to go clubbing!" blurts out Diamond, hands still flying about.

Then begins the silence.

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><p><em>Diamond was leaving Viridian City's Pokemon Center when all of a sudden he hears a voice behind him. <em>

_"Diamond!" he snaps his head around at the familiar, sweet voice._

_It's Platinum Berlitz. The girl that Dia had had a crush on since he was eleven years old, and his fondness for her grew stronger each day. _

_Every time he spoke to her (with this occasion being no difference) butterflies filled his stomach, that could not be compared to even the sweetest cakes or the spiciest soups._

_"So, have you heard of that new nightclub here?" she asks, merely a common courtesy since aforementioned nightclub was literally less than a football field away from where they were standing._

_"Of course." says Diamond. To Pearl, he would of just said 'Yeah.' but when he was around Miss Berlitz, he tried to sound as smart as possible._

_"I was wondering if you might want to come with me. You know, me and a few of my friends."_

_Platina went on to explain how said friends were important, how they met etc. However, Dia was paying no attention whatsoever. _

_The fact that quite possibly the prettiest, smartest and wealthiest girl in all of Sinnoh had just asked him-plain Diamond- to go to a special occasion together blew his mind._

_Platina giggled at Dia's gaping mouth and stare of disbelief._

_"I take that as a yes, then?"_

_Dia regained his composure, cleared his throat and said,_

_"Why, I would be delighted."_

_The silver and gold-eyed girl smiled at her close friend and said, "Okay, then. I'll meet you there at Nine o' clock tonight?"_

_He nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes."_

_"Bye, Dia!" she called over her shoulder as she went towards the Poke Mart._

_Diamond spent a few minutes swooning and grinning, only to be filled with terror moments later when he realized what he had agreed to._

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><p>"Moron." says Gold. "Honestly. I tune out sometimes, but you didn't catch the whole idea that you've NEVER BEEN CLUBBING BEFORE?"<p>

Diamond shrunk. "W-well.." he stammers. "I have the idea of how to club, I-i guess.."

Red shakes his head sadly, looking upon Diamond how a citizen would look upon a prisoner being escorted to the gallows.

"Wait!" Diamond cries, his eyes lighting up. "You guys have been to a nightclub before, right?"

Diamond assumes the following silence was a proud one. A boastful silence.

Little did he know it was an uncomfortable silence.

An uncomfortable gap in time for his seniors (and Black) to reminisce their recent experiences clubbing.

"We could teach you." says Gold. "I mean, I don't know about these guys-" he pauses to gesture at Black, Red, Green and Ruby. "-but I'm practically a nightclub PROFESSIONAL."

Diamond grew nervous. From what he had seen, Gold was often beat up by women for his flirtatious nature. But hey, somehow Gold had bagged Crystal. _He must be doing SOMETHING right.._ he though reasonably.

"Then it's settled." impatiently says Green. "We share our knowledge in exchange for some peace and quiet in here. You can use the back room over there for your 'lessons'."

Diamond grins, all uneasiness gone. He was confident that his friends could teach him how to make Platina fall for him!

Little did he know that his friends-whom he believed in so much- knew just as much about nightclubs as Diamond did.

Oh, poor Diamond.

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><p><strong><span>AN; I know what you're thinking. "OMFG NO WAI A NIGHTCLUB THEMED FIC I SMELL MATURE THEMESSS I MUST ALERT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY" but no not really. **

**The most 'mature' I will get in this a few alcohol references. No major scenes or anything. The few times I explain Dia's actual experience will be very vague, nothing too specific.**

**The series will mainly revolve around Dia's 'lessons' on how to club properly.**

**R&R Quadruple-Please with Gummy Bears on Top ?**

** I LIVE FOR REVIEWS**

**-3**


	2. Lesson 1 Basic Ettiquete with Black!

**A/N; Reader: OMG AN UPDATE! WASN'T THIS PUBLISHED LIKE, YESTERDAY?**

**of course you silly billys! didn't i say that i was updating like, nonstop now?**

**anyway, this chapter is black's time to shine. and yes, im sure gold hooked him up with a fake I.D at some point or other.**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Pokemon. If I did, my mom would stop getting onto me for being on the computer so much.**

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><p>When Dia entered the back room, he caught sight of his first 'mentor'.<p>

Black, of course.

Black was a rather charming fellow. He was full of energy and compassion, however his energy often led to rash choices. Black was fairly mutual with Diamond. Never really nice, but never really mean.

"Alright." Black says confidently. "Do you know what ettiquete is?"

Diamond took this as an insult. He would often hear this phrase when somebody was mocking his table manners.

"Gosh, don't be such a jerk." he grumbled. "Of course I know what it is."

Black anime-style sweatdropped.

"Have you even BEEN to a club before?" asks Dia accusingly. "Are you even legal?"

Black chuckled. "Erm...See, that's a cute story..Well, it's cute now.." he trailed off, and Diamond just decided not to ask.

Diamond's Unova friend looked up suddenly.

"But, long story short.. Yeah. I've been clubbing before."

Diamond watched Black, concerned as he stared off into space, seemingly flashing back to his previous experiences.

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><p><em>In all seriousness, Black HAS gone to club before. At least, he thought so.<em>

_He never exactly remembered what happened. _

_It was usually just a blacked-out blur, but he's pretty sure he just rocked the whole situation._

_However, Black's ego was the size of , so he was blissfully unaware of how his nights usually went._

_He would show up, request a few songs and order a few drinks._

_Black couldn't stomach drinks._

_Within moments he was buzzed, and White wasn't very amused when he would stumble home loudly singing 'The Final Countdown'._

_What words could one use to describe Black's (probably illegal) clubbing experiences?_

_As sober as a sailor._

_Reader, let us have a sympathetic moment of silence for our dear friend Diamond, who is about to learn how to destroy his reputation._

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><p>"Alright." said the Unova Pokedex Holder. "When you think of a club, what's the first thing you think of?"<p>

"Dancing."

"Wrong answer." sighs Black. "That's GREEN'S lesson, not mine."

Black smiled devilishly. "The drinks. That's the first thing you should think of."

Diamond didn't know what made him more nervous.

The fact that he was going to have to drink in front of Platina...

Or the fact that Green was going to teach him how to dance.

Probably the dancing Green part.

"How would you feel if you made me a cookie, and I said I didn't want it?"

Diamond smiled. He had this whole lesson in the bag already.

"Relieved."

"What? Why?" asks Black, already exasperated.

"Because. Now I get to eat it, right?"

Black's resemblance with Green was striking when he sat down on a nearby windowsill and rubbed his temples, breathing, "Wrong example.."

"Listen," he began, dead serious. ",if somebody offers you a drink, you take it. Because if you do, they'll think you're a jerk!"

Diamond whimpered, his eyes the size of saucers. "I don't wanna be a jerk.." he whispered.

The 'Mentor' grinned. "Good. Next rule."

Dia was now thoroughly confused. If he drank too much, wouldn't he get buzzed? He didn't want to make a fool of himself.

He shrugged it off. Surely, Black knew best. I mean, the kid was a 'Dex Holder. What could go wrong?

"You said Platina was bringing some friends, correct?"

The young adult from Sinnoh nodded slowly. "I believe so... I think.. Maybe."

"What if THEY ask for a drink?"

Diamond smiled, with those dimples that made girls squeal and old ladies pinch his cheeks.

"Get them all whatever they want. Can't be a jerk, right?"

Diamond expected a loud "EXCELLENT!" or a cookie or maybe even a glittery star sticker.

Oh~ how he wanted a glittery star sticker.

Instead he got a loud "WRONG!"

"How could you think that?" cried Black loudly. (Black was always pretty loud, so when he TRIED to be loud, it was considerably ear-splitting.)

Black promptly began to rant and rave about how Diamond will be broke by the end of the night, and how the girls would have just been taking advantage of him and how he should be his own person and not be pressured into buying things if he doesn't want to and blah blah blah blah blah.

Diamond tuned out after the first few sentences and decided to examine his wristwatch.

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><p>Outside of the makeshift 'classroom' (Which Black had prepared with some old creaky desks) Red glances up.<p>

"Do you hear that?" he asks a busy Green.

"No. Shut up." snaps a certain green-eyed fellow.

Gold's eyes widen and he looks up from his video game for the first time in a few hours. As his fingers release from the controls, a black screen with the words 'GAME OVER' pop up.

"Yeah.." says Gold quietly. "It sounds like a dying animal having it's vocal cords strummed by a blind man."

In the corner, dropping his needle and thread was a glaring Ruby.

"Sorry." mutters Gold. "It was the first thing that popped into my head, sheesh."

The gang creeps over to the door and slowly opened it, revealing the amusing scene held within.

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><p>Diamond had his hands behind his back (tied with an Escape Rope by a certain someone) while Black screamed "For Mew's Sake, you wimp, just do it!". Of course, this was adressing Diamond having to practice being intimidating towards the bouncer while he felt uncomfortable. Oh, and I almost forgot about Black's enormous grumpy Emboar regarding Diamond like a hunk of raw meat.<p>

Tasty and desirable.

Diamond would every so often screech, "Let me out of here! I'm being assaulted!"

Fortunately, due to his own yelling and the Emboar's throaty growls, Dia couldn't hear Black's not-so-peppy pep talk.

"Oh, come on Dia. Odd are he won't tear you up unless you do something REALLY dumb. I swear, I do this all the time and I've only gotten-" he paused and pointed at various bits of discolored skin. "-twelve scars! No big deal, broski!"

Neither of them noticed their bewildered seniors, observing the comedy from the doorway with expressions of disdain.

This whole drama continued for a whole ten minutes until Diamond resorted to screaming a certain word starting with 'R' and rhyming with 'cape'.

You know what I mean. No need for explanation here.

"Fine, fine." sighed Black, defeated. He moved from his comfortable windowsill and untied Diamond, who scrambled to the corner, cowering from Emboar.

"Latias, can you try and not be so loud?" shouts Black.

Oh, the irony.

Black looks the terrified Diamond up and down.

"I think you're ready." he says, smiling proudly.

Diamond weakly looks up from his fetal position and smiles.

"Pop quiz!" cries the not-so-good teacher. "What do you do when you first get in?"

"Drink!"

"Excellent! What do you do when somebody asks you to buy them a drink?"

"Say 'No way, Jose!' and use that money to buy MYSELF a nice beverage!"

"Good job! What do you do when the bouncer is sizing you up?"

"Be as arrogant as possible and maybe even throw some punches to show him that you deserve to go in!"

Black looked upon Diamond as if he were his first born. "I'm so proud of you.." he tells his close friend.

"Here." he says to a proud Diamond. "Take this."

Then begins the highlight of Dia's week. He takes this token of achievement slowly, savoring each moment while his brain immoralized the moment.

He siezed said gift from Black, examined it happily and stuck it right onto his forehead.

What was his gift, might you ask?

Why, of course a glittery gold star sticker.

On a more serious note, let us once again pray for our dear friend Diamond, who is not going to have a very pleasant evening.

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><p><strong><span>AN; blah. much more shorter than intended. this chapter was mainly to get the point across that dia is in some deep doo-doo, and his guidance is really bad.**

**Next update for this is likely to be on Tuesday or Monday. Late Monday night (by which i mean like, one a.m) is going to be the next update.**

**For all of you 'Just My Luck' junkies, you should have your next update Late Tuesday or Early Wednesday.**

**Tomorrow I'm publishing this FranticShipping one-shot that's been in my mind for a while.**

**p.s it's christmas themed**

**p.s.s I DON'T CARE IF IT'S JULY, I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT CHRISTMAS LEAVE ME ALONE.**

**p.s.s.s please R&R its like my brain food**


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